Things that common sense isn't.

"Le sens commun n'est pas si commun" - Voltaire.

People use the phrase "It's just common sense," a bit too often. It's tempting to think that common sense isn't what it used to be (much like nostalgia); but I suspect it has always been a vague catch-all for obviousness.

Mostly the term "common sense" is tacked on to whatever plagiarized ideology is ringing in the ears of the bien-pensant. For example: Socialists and capitalists will both contend that their theories are born of common sense (or at least common decency). The capitalist will contend it is common sense to expect people to work hard for reward (which is often true) and a socialist will counter that unless government uses taxes to provide social welfare then those without means will remain without means (also by and large true).

Common sense is probably not that complicated. It could probably be summed up within the sentiment of self preservation; not putting ones hand in the fire, not eating yellow snow, not publishing libelous material in a blog post, et cetera. We could make a list of all the things that are commonly thought of as sensible, but where's the fun in that.

Common sense cannot, by definition, be anything that is learned. And, since the lexicon of human knowledge is vastly of acquired information; common sense is very rare indeed.

By the way, if you want to sound clever¹ you can call it a priori reasoning.

1. It doesn't make you sound clever. It makes you difficult to understand to those who don't know latin².
2. It's commonsense really.

Why I hate1 the Battle Creek Toasted Corn Flake Company.

It should come as no surprise dear readers that I'm not a fan "breakfast cereals". People who don't make time for breakfast are unconsciously saying something about there own self worth. Remember: Time is not money; it is something of incalculable value.

People today think their breakfast has to come in a box and be made from mashed-up and dried, corn or wheat. I've nothing against either corn or wheat, but pre-mashing things is what mothers do to toddlers food. Let's remind ourselves why cornflakes were invented; to discourage sexual desire. They are possibly the first convenience food. We've given convenience food a try; it's turned two thirds of us into fatties, surely it's time to throw out anything that comes with a toy, or collect a million tokens an claim your nunchucks.

The misguided fools; didn't they know our sexual desire is what the soviets wanted from us all along.

Do you want that? Do you? Because that's what you'll get, that and your arse wiped for you.

1. Hate is a strong word. I couldn't be arsed² hating them.

2. I don't care if the queen likes them and gave them a royal warrant³.

3. She gave John Lewis a royal warrant but I've never seen her there.

The Copenhagen Interpretation

I was in Copenhagen a year ago where I had a little taste of breakfast heaven. A combination of picked herring, curried mayonnaise, tomato sauce, a boiled egg, capers and rye bread with lard spread.

Yes that's right; lard!

The meal cost ~110 DKK or €15. Which is about average for a pinko socialist economy like Denmark's. The tomato sauce and the curried egg mayonnaise were served in separate ramekins with the tangy roll-mops of herring in them, with a third ramekin of unsauced pickled herring.

My dining compatriots were aghast in disgust, winces all round, at both the pickled fish and the lard. I've tried to recreate the meal several times at home. For the lard; I bought a pound block of Cookeen, and like Christina, the chubby girl who used to sit next to me in my primary school; I'm both fascinated and terrified of it. The curried mayonnaise I can recreate quite well, due to the fact that it is; after all, just curry powder and mayonnaise. The tomato sauce is a different matter. I've tried plain old passata, but I think there was a more pickled taste to it. I can hardly remember now it was so long ago.

Which brings me to my noted absence. To be honest it's both a blogging clichéd and quite frankly beneath me to apologise for not posting in so long. Consider yourselves lucky you get anything at all.

Blueberry Pancakes w/ Maple Flavoured Syrup

Thick as bread and stuffed with bitter-sweetness of blueberries. Her-indoor insists on spoiling me at the weekend. No limp effete crêpes but three stout puddings of a breakfast and a good double of maple flavoured syrup.

This is an ideal breakfast to point out why the French are thin and the Americans are fat. Simply, the French eat less food and smoke more cigarettes. This leads on to another difference between the French and Americans; Americans are happy, the French are many things but they are never ever happy.

Savoury pancakes are a quick way to lose the will to live, let alone your appetite.

Devilled Kidneys Courtesy of HFW

It's been a while since I last updated this blog. This is mostly due to a welcome healthy repetition of greek yogurt, homemade müesli, and berries. But man cannot live on bread alone, as the health bible says.

The consumption of visceral organs is the preserve of true carnivores; dads and lions alike. Leopold Bloom, the archetype father figure in Joyce's Ulysses is first mentioned cooking "the inner organs of beasts and fowls". No doubt I might revisit them, if I remember, on Bloomsday.

Kidneys are not for wishy washy picky eaters, they smell like a cattle shed in winter and taste predictably strong. "Devilled" refers to the hot mustard and is the only way to eat kidneys. The entire set of ingredients is designed to mask the taste of the organ. The sherry masks the smell, and the mustard and paprika mask the taste. But the whole thing together is delicious.

The basis for the recipe can be found here; courtesey of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. I made a few changes, specifically replacing the redcurrant jelly with blackcurrant jam, the cider vinegar with sherry vinegar and the cream with Greek yogurt. An important tip; when you fry the kidneys put hem aside on a warm plate. This lets them rest and the blood to pool away, unless of course you're Hannibal Lecter.

From Yogurt, Müesli and Fresh Berries, to Homemade Müesli with Greek Yogurt and Thawed Frozen Berries, a Comparative Study.

This morning's breakfast was again made by 'er indoors. Normally sweet müesli doesn't do it for me, this time however the light sweetness of the honey against the pleasant tang of natural greek yogurt hit my tastenberge spot.

Made, in the 'first you must create the universe' sense. She made the granola from oats seeds honey etc. It is possible that this was because she doesn't like raisins and so left them out. Never the less it was the best mix I have ever tasted. To be honest I'm not sure I like(d) raisins in müesli. I can chew through them, but aren't raisins just a dry substitute for fresh grapes, and I'm always slightly disappointed when one ends up on my spoon. There's only one way to eat raisins really; souse them in some strong liquor.

Kellog's Krave...Here comes the rant.

I have not tasted "Krave". It used to be fashionable to bemoan sugary cereals. All the mums were at it. People thought children could catch Hyperactivity from sugar, lots and lots of sugar. After that we though Hyperactivity was down to bad parenting. Now we know better. It's actually down to bad teachers. Particularly the unionised ones.

Just to reinforce the brand in you mind; the television commercial shows a little kravicle jumping around like a child from a member of the untamed classes, biting chocolate pieces hither and thither. That's it, now you're Kraving it?

Sugar breakfast cereals are a bad idea. Not for the general tasteless public; they can eat whatever shite they think their bodies deserve. But for the people who com up with these ideas; the young graduates who land jobs in Kellogg's and Nestlé and such companies. Krave clearly smacks of an idea born of people who are driven to increase profits by their lawful obligation to shareholders. Even the name shows absolutely no imagination. I'm waiting to see the episode of The Apprentice where this lame sugary queer idea was probably thought up.

Imagine handing in your resumé to a new prospective employer, on which it read that you had been the inventor of Kellogg's Fruit Loops. It's laughable isn't it.